No one can ever accuse me of being boring. I went to the airport in Brisbane on Thursday morning and got in a big fight with my crazy Thai gf and ended up leaving her, yet again, at the airport.
I hopped in a taxi as she made her way back to Bangkok… much to my chagrin as I would have been much happier if it was the other way around, with me going to Bangkok.
I thought I’d try to make the best of Brisbane. I started my night at the casino at the Conrad Treasury where I quickly got a snapshot of what Brisbane life was like. An incredibly inebriated cougar (aging woman) was engaging in lude conduct… spouting out obscenities and doing things such as using a tampon as her card holder… she was eventually thrown out… after which, many of the people at my poker table told of all the times they had been thrown out for being drunk. Note to you: Aussies may be the most drunken people on the planet… only the Scots, and possibly the Irish come close… and I don’t blame them, as they all are fishing in the same gene pool of overall unattractive and unappealing women. But that’s beside the point.
So, after winning four figures in a few hours of poker, and playing fan-frickin-tastic I might add, I decided to venture out onto the streets of Brisbane.
The first thing I saw was a young male being wrestled to the ground by 3 or 4 police… he was shouting, “I didn’t do anything!”… and as I was laughing at this police state, I literally got ran over by 4 other police people running over to give this guy a good beating. Two of his friends were beside me as I picked myself up off the pavement and they told me that their friend did nothing wrong. I told them that I believe it… and pondered how it is worse here than Nazi Germany in 1943… before the Nazis really went off the deep end and just started killing people they didn’t like.
Then I tried to enter a club. I walked up, the bouncer got right in my face and said, “Where have you been tonight?!”…. I gave him a stunned blank stare… still recovering from my hit and run with the local “authorities” and then gave him an honest response, “Why?”… “THAT’S IT!” he responded, and then grabbed me by the shirt and ran me out onto the street.
I couldn’t believe what was going on… but then I went to another bar… I went to walk in and yet again I was confronted. “What have you been drinking tonight?” asked one bouncer. I paused. And again, my sensibilities asked the same question, “Why?”
“THAT’S IT!” was the response and he closed the rope and told me to move on!
Finally, on my third attempt, I was given entry into some club in a place called Fortitude Valley.. aptly named, in my opinion, as you need great intestinal strength to even venture out in this godforsaken hell hole of a country.
I went in, had a drink… I saw a girl who looked cute and kept looking at me so I approached her. She seemed a bit shy. Then one of her 140lb, gay looking boyfriends came up to me and told me, without really even looking me in the eye, that I better leave immediately or I will be dead.
I, yet again, gave a look of confusion and asked him upon what transgression I was to be put to death for… before quickly denoting that it would take at least 5 of his brethren to come close to giving me a decent run for my money.
This chest thumping went back and forth for a while, until the girl I had originally talked to took me aside and informed me that, “everyone here knows each other… and maybe it was best if I leave”.
I did leave… but not before giving that pathetic loser one last “cmon”. But it was all for naught. This place I am in is even a few levels below Camerica in terms of style, class, vibe, beauty and integrity.
I know when not to fight a losing battle so I moved on.
I then proceeded to bribe my way into a 50+ long taxi queue (I am not kidding, it is ridiculous) and began to head home back to my hotel.
Upon walking back to my hotel, I saw numerous locals being chased by the local stormtroopers… for all sorts of inane reasons.
I looked skyward. The only thing that made my experiences seem even more bizarre was the odd curiousity that people in Australia dress up for Christmas! Yes… not halloween… Christmas! So many of the people who would be confronting me and aggressing against me would be dressed up as Fred Flintstone. Or a snail. Or something.
I finally made it back to my hotel and immediately looked for the next flight out. Papua New Guinea, Indonesia, Philippines, Malaysia, Chile, Argentina… I DON’T CARE. I will be in one of those spots, and not Australia… in fact, NEVER again in Australia, within 3 days.
Only the casino and taking money from Aussies has made the last week or so seem anywhere near livable… if Thailand or Mexico get casinos and poker any time soon, you will never, ever, EVER find me in horrendous places such as Canada, USA, Australia or Europe EVER again.