I flew back from Beijing to Vancouver today and, as per usual, I was greeted by my usual grilling by Vancouver customs officers who, as they do EVERY single time I come to Vancouver, took me into the back and grilled me for over an hour.
I usually get pissed off at them right away and have almost gotten physically into altercations with them in the past, but this time I decided to try to ask nice and see if that made any difference.. but after about 10 minutes it was the same old thing… as they rifled through all my stuff and acted like everything I told them was a lie…
It was then that I decided, well, no point in acting nice to these idiots… so here is the convo:
Customs Guy (CG): You ever done drugs?
me: uh… well, no then
CG: not even in high school
CG: I’m not the one being interogated here
me: Am I being interogated???
CG: Do you have any child or animal porn on your laptop?
CG: We have software that can tell if you do, we will hook it up and find out
me: you have software that can somehow detect horses or little kids having sex in photos on my computer? BS!
CG: do you have ANY porn on your computer?
CG: turn on your computer
I then turned on my computer… I have the Google sidebar app set up and it randomly pics photos from off my computer and displays them on my desktop… as luck would have it, of the thousands of normal photos I have on my computer, Google at that moment chose to display a pic of a girl I know who had lifted her top up and was naked for the picture
CG: you don’t call that porn?
me: no, that is just my life
ahhhhh, I hate them all.
So, I am here now… doubt I will ever come here again, but I am here now. Off to NYC on Sunday for a few days… then not too sure after that. Am gonna try to get up to Edmonton for a few days… until then…